Chapter 2: My Box.

So, a few years back I made a box. The box is entitled, "Questions only God can answer" and is full of completely unfair things that have happened to me or someone I love with no explanation as to why. It isn't a physical box, but a metaphorical one that I keep in a small corner of my heart. Tonight, I added to it.

There's a couple in our small group named Mark and Kay. They are great people who love God and love others. Their one wish: to be parents. After trying the "old fashioned" way for six years with no success, they decided to do in vitro fertilization. I was pretty uneducated when it came to the IVF process and, if you are too, let me point some things out that will blow you away. First off, it is anything but cheap. Only about 15 states (Vegas not being one of them, sadly) allow IVF to be covered by insurance, otherwise, you end up spending around $50,000 each round. Secondly, there are HUGE needles filled with hormones that have to be injected into the woman's back; once in the morning and once at night...for months. So, you basically take PMS, times it by a million, and that is how the woman is feeling every day. This doesn't even include the emotional process of waiting to see if the months and months of work even paid off. ...Yeah, I had no idea either. And the craziest thing of all, this will be Mark and Kay's 3^rd round! So, last week the fertilized egg was transferred into Kay and the horrible week of waiting began. As they shared with us the long road they have had, the hurt and disappointment, and the wonder of why it was so hard, I could not help but feel sick to my stomach. David and I have prayed for them all week long knowing that Friday (yesterday) they would hear the news if the transfer had worked or not.

It didn't. The deep sadness in their faces as they told us...well, I can't explain it. Why?! Why did it not work? They are such great people that would make AMAZING parents...why can't they get what they have been earnestly praying for? Why do 3,300 parents daily decide to kill their child with performing abortion while a Godly couple like Mark and Kay wait impatiently by the phone to hear the Dr. call and say the word they desperately want to hear: “pregnant”.

And so, I add another question into "My Box." please don't get me wrong, this box is not one of bitterness, it's a box of confusion. It's a box that reminds me that I am not in control and that all of life's questions can't be answered. So, I pray. I hope. I wonder...in Faith.